For practice, I sleep until two in the afternoon
and brag about skipping breakfast.
This is how it starts.
I drink coffee before bed and stay up
trying to memorize the burn behind my eyes.
I wait for you and this is how
I pass the time.
I fuck myself up.
I skip classes and I don’t wash my clothes.
I stop calling my mom to tell her
that I’m doing okay.
I want to be good and lost when you
finally show up
because how dare you.
How dare you get to see me after
I’ve gotten better.
How dare you skip the middle part
and then come back to me.
When you get here, I will be
an aching mess.
I will not put myself back together
just so you can pretend you understand
how I did it.
When you get here, you will turn
right around and leave again.
I will not be perfect for you.
You do not get to love me if you
do not stick around to see what it took
to become me.
If you have to speculate if someone loves you and wants to be with you, chances are they don’t. It’s not that complicated. Don’t waste moments waiting and wondering. Don’t throw away your time dreaming of someone that doesn’t want you. No one is that amazing, certainly not the one who would pass you up.
You cannot have an opponent if you keep saying yes.
—Richard Siken, “War of the Foxes” (via potterlockedintheshire)
You keep saying I owe you, I owe… but you say the same thing every time.
Let’s not talk about it, let’s just not talk.
Not because I don’t believe it, not because I want it any different, but I’m always saving and you’re always owing and I’m tired of asking to settle the debt.
You never mean it anyway, not really, and it only makes me that much more ashamed.
—Richard Siken, Wishbone (via norae-bangme)
I don’t really blame you for being dead but you can’t have your sweater back.
—Richard Siken (via strangers-approval)
I wake up in the morning and I didn’t want anything, didn’t do anything, couldn’t do it anyway, just lay there listening to the blood rush through me and it never made any sense, anything.
And I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t sit still or fix things and I wake up and I wake up…
—Straw House, Straw Dog - Richard Siken (via seirinseven)